It is not unusual to see an old couple who look so madly in love despite the obvious fact that their relationship is several decades old. They could be your grandparents or just that stranger couple you just bumped into on the streets. Have you ever sat back and wondered what got them going all those years?
One of the things that has always stood out for me, is their ability to sustain their affection through the seasons of their relationship. Romance never got boring for them and they tend to express it effortlessly. For them, there has always been something to love about their partner.
Happiness is also a constant in their relationship, like an unwritten rule that they have to stick to. It doesn’t really matter to them whether they are alone or with their partner, they are always happy and content. They never hold grudges, One minute they are fighting the next they are laughing like nothing happened.
And it’s not just the happiness, over the years they have cultivated a wonderful sense of trust between them. Thereby, creating an environment where they can support each other through their imperfections effortlessly.
They are open with each other and can talk about just anything thanks to years of learning to trust and to be vulnerable with each other. [Click here to learn The Essential Conditions for a Good and Lasting Relationship].
Sounds like the perfect couple right? if you are like me, you must have wondered at some point what makes such couples stick together for so long. Well, beside of the positive things that build a good relationship, there are many negative ones that can destroy it.
In this article I will try to elaborate on the things you should definitely avoid doing during a relationship if you want to have a healthy one.
#1 Don’t Be too Jealous
One of the major reasons why couples break up today is because of one partner being overly possessive. A closer look reveals that this is usually driven by jealousy. Now, if you ever find yourself in such a situation you need to do a self-evaluation to establish the cause of this habit.
In most cases it will either be a past you haven’t dealt with or deep-seated insecurities you need to do away with. The good thing is if your partner is the supportive kind, you can discuss these issues and work through them together.
#2 Don’t Try to Change Him
Nothing makes someone feel a sense of belonging and security in a relationship than the awareness that they are loved despite their imperfections. Your man is no different. Therefore, trying to change him is a sure way of making him lose the connection he once felt in the relationship.
It will outrightly make him dishonest with you as he tries to cover up for his imperfections. So accept him as he is. If there is something about him that bothers you, communicate to him in the most loving way. And if he feels there is a need to change, it will have to come from him.
One thing is for sure- you can’t change his personality and trying to do so will be in vain. Sure we can change our habits and reactions towards things in life but not our personality. So keep in mind the difference between the two.
#3 Don’t Judge Him
It is so easy to judge someone especially if their way of looking at things is quite different from yours. If you find yourself doing this to your man consistently then you need to stop it if you want a lasting relationship.
Realize that he is doing his best to ensure that both of you are happy. Then you should focus on the positives of the relationship you two have and soon you will notice there is so much to celebrate. And this is positive energy you can harness to create even more memorable moments together.
#4 Don’t Be Needy
The fact that you are in a relationship does not mean that you should stop having a life of your own. It is a sure way of suffocating your partner and pushes them right away from you. You can prevent this by ensuring that you don’t totally lose your identity every time you get into a relationship.
Maintain a socially active life so that your need for companionship is not limited to your partner alone. Take some time to be by yourself and do the things you enjoy and allow your partner to do the same. The time spent apart will make your quality time together even much more valuable.
#5 Don’t Nag
Nagging is not only a very ineffective way to get a point across, it also comes off as very controlling. Men especially dislike it and every time their partner nags them they try their best to avoid them.
To avoid engaging in it, you should develop clear communication channels with your partner that will ensure that you are heard without having to dwell on things. Interestingly, nagging can sometimes be because of several issues in your relationship which need to be dealt with. You can save your relationship by just identifying these things and deal with them.
#6 Don’t Be a Control Freak
No one wants to be in a relationship where they are not listened to and this is usually common when one partner is overly controlling. Luckily, if you happen to be the controlling partner there are several things that you can do to stop this behavior. First, you need to ensure that you communicate your expectations to your partner clearly so that they understand you. And even if they don’t meet your expectations, you need to learn to let go and accept not everyone can match your expectations. Doing this will save you a lot of fights and earn you love and respect instead.
#7 Don’t Stop To Invest In Your Look
Just because he is your man now does not mean that you should stop looking good for him. Men are quite visual and sometimes the best way to keep them interested is to invest in your looks.
Start by keeping fit through adopting a lifestyle of exercising. It is a plus if he is a fitness freak because working out together can be one of those things you can bond around.
Invest in clothes that you are comfortable with and you know he loves you. Give him something to brag about and make his friends jealous, men love that!
To wrap things up-
Maybe you have read through this entire list and realized you have been doing most of the things outlined. Well, we all make mistakes and it is definitely never too late to correct them. You can still have that wonderful relationship that you long for as long as you are willing to work.
It is a deliberate choice you make and commit to. So take time to understand your partner and develop clear communication channels that are good for both of you. Never even for a minute let the affection slip out of your hands and keep working on the trust you have between you two so that things like jealously don’t come to bite you later on. You deserve a wonderful relationship, so go for it!